Resolutions

I, being cynical by nature, usually scoff at peoples' resolutions. Some (maybe most) resolutions are petty, inconsequential, and stupid. But that's not why I scoff--it's because resolutions are kept like 1% of the time.

But last year I made a resolution (well, it was really just a decision I made the week before Christmas because a dear and wise friend convicted me about it...but then I made it my "resolution"). I started with something simple that could be measured empirically--tithing the full 10%. And with only 4 days to go in 2009, I'm happy to say that my resolution for 2009 has held up.

And I've been blessed! At first, 10% of our income was a LOT of money to be giving away. It was hard to do, because I kept thinking that this money could go towards paying down more quickly my students loans, mortgages, etc...(in itself, a wise and prudent goal). But after a year of holding to this commitment, I now almost have to restrain myself from giving more than I ought! I see now that money (or a sense of control that comes from it) was an idol to me. Giving it away loosens its power over me! I've learned that tithing is less about what God will do with your money and more about what your money can do to you! (that was profound, right?)

Anyways, I guess you could say that perhaps I'm becoming a believer in resolutions. This year I feel convicted to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. How on earth can you emperically measure that? It's a little more tricky than dollars and sense... I suppose I should start by describing to myself exactly what "comfortable with being uncomfortable" means.

I'm comfortable when I'm fully in control. Like most people, I'm uncomfortable when I'm vulnerable. So the goal, I guess, is really to be vulnerable--but vulnerable with a purpose:

1) Vulnerable financially so that I do not put my trust in my money or possesions. Of course, this is broader than tithing (although it includes it). It involves taking risks with money or possessions if led to do so. For instance, could we offer our spare bedroom to a homeless man or woman in need, or would the risk of offering everything in our home to someone without one be too great?

2) Vulnerable socially so that my social awkwardness (a natural predisposition of being white) doesn't prevent me from forming meaningful relationships. You can't convince people that Jesus loves and cares for them if you yourself can't love or care for them. I need to put myself in social situations that make me vulnerable, and then make the jump to introduce myself and start a conversation (why is this so hard?)

3) Vulnerable intellectually...ok, basically this just means read and write more and watch tv less. I must stop giving meaningless distractions so much of my time, and allow myself to think, reflect, and be inspired.

4) Vulnerable spiritually - I'm not really sure that this one is under my control anyways. It's kind of a Spirit thing, but maybe #3 will pave the way for this.

Quantifying a mindset may prove to be very difficult. I guess we'll see just how comfortable I am next year.