Monday, December 28, 2009

Resolutions

I, being cynical by nature, usually scoff at peoples' resolutions. Some (maybe most) resolutions are petty, inconsequential, and stupid. But that's not why I scoff--it's because resolutions are kept like 1% of the time.

But last year I made a resolution (well, it was really just a decision I made the week before Christmas because a dear and wise friend convicted me about it...but then I made it my "resolution"). I started with something simple that could be measured empirically--tithing the full 10%. And with only 4 days to go in 2009, I'm happy to say that my resolution for 2009 has held up.

And I've been blessed! At first, 10% of our income was a LOT of money to be giving away. It was hard to do, because I kept thinking that this money could go towards paying down more quickly my students loans, mortgages, etc...(in itself, a wise and prudent goal). But after a year of holding to this commitment, I now almost have to restrain myself from giving more than I ought! I see now that money (or a sense of control that comes from it) was an idol to me. Giving it away loosens its power over me! I've learned that tithing is less about what God will do with your money and more about what your money can do to you! (that was profound, right?)

Anyways, I guess you could say that perhaps I'm becoming a believer in resolutions. This year I feel convicted to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. How on earth can you emperically measure that? It's a little more tricky than dollars and sense... I suppose I should start by describing to myself exactly what "comfortable with being uncomfortable" means.

I'm comfortable when I'm fully in control. Like most people, I'm uncomfortable when I'm vulnerable. So the goal, I guess, is really to be vulnerable--but vulnerable with a purpose:

1) Vulnerable financially so that I do not put my trust in my money or possesions. Of course, this is broader than tithing (although it includes it). It involves taking risks with money or possessions if led to do so. For instance, could we offer our spare bedroom to a homeless man or woman in need, or would the risk of offering everything in our home to someone without one be too great?

2) Vulnerable socially so that my social awkwardness (a natural predisposition of being white) doesn't prevent me from forming meaningful relationships. You can't convince people that Jesus loves and cares for them if you yourself can't love or care for them. I need to put myself in social situations that make me vulnerable, and then make the jump to introduce myself and start a conversation (why is this so hard?)

3) Vulnerable intellectually...ok, basically this just means read and write more and watch tv less. I must stop giving meaningless distractions so much of my time, and allow myself to think, reflect, and be inspired.

4) Vulnerable spiritually - I'm not really sure that this one is under my control anyways. It's kind of a Spirit thing, but maybe #3 will pave the way for this.

Quantifying a mindset may prove to be very difficult. I guess we'll see just how comfortable I am next year.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

WASPs and Honkers

The other night my wife and I went out to enjoy some bottomless pasta bowl at the Olive Garden (my favorite, you ask?: Creamy Parmesan Florentine on Penne). Across from us sat a WASP (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant...ok, i'm just assuming Protestant) family of four. Here's how the dinner played out.

Kendra first noticed that "dad" was very cranky about the little birthday ditty that the Olive Garden staff did a couple times. Ok...it was a little annoying. But later, the manager came around and asked how everything was, and this family seriously ate her alive. They complained about absolutely everything, in a very rude and insulting way. Now I was a waiter for a couple years, and this kind of rant was usually an attempt to get out of the bill. However, I didn't think that was what this family was after...

Being a little annoyed about having to listen to these buzzing WASPs, I began wondering aloud (quite loudly) about whether this rant was in fact misplaced anger due to a failing marriage and a dysfunctional family. I don't think they heard me, but on cue a couple minutes later the mother was crying. There's no way the food was that bad :)

Now maybe I'm just picking on WASPs because of my tendancy to generalize and stereotype...I don't know. But what I do know is that I really enjoy being malicious to people that are not self-aware. If you don't have the capacity to recognize and the courage to deal with your emotional problems, then you are a hazard to society and should try to stay out of public (yes, I'm also talking to you Kenye).

Another example of un-self-awareness: This morning I'm driving to work and I see a car broken down in the middle of the road. It's a young girl who is trying to "Flinstone" her car out of the way (no one has helped her yet). So I do a U-turn and pull up behind her, put my hazards on, and ask her if she wants a push. Not two seconds later a woman in her early thirties pulls up behind my car and lays on her horn.

After nearly four seconds of horn blasting, I turned around and without hesitation gave her a middle finger rebuke. And here's the funny thing: she immediately let off the horn and looked almost scared, shocked, and a little shameful. Did she realize that her all-powerful horn couldn't prevent me from kicking her obnoxious little ass? Or did she realize that her horn-blowing wasn't going to help her get along her way any faster? Or did she realize that she was honking at the good samaratin that she read about in church just two days ago? I can only guess what was going through her head, but all three originate from a lack of self-awareness.

After we were out of the way, the girl asked me if I worked at Trinity (I was wearing Trinity gear and a Trinity nametag). I said yes, and then immediately thought about the bird I threw without hesitation in a moment lacking of (spiritual) self-awareness (I just touche`d myself). She said she had a friend that went there, and thanked me for helping.

I got in my car and thought about the message I just gave to that little girl. Was it one of hypocrisy? Probably a little bit, and I feel bad for that. But in the long term, I do think that my actions (helping her out) will speak louder than my words (the finger--yes, I know the finger is an action, but it's really conveying words...). Maybe I'm just rationalizing my temper, but I've read about some pretty harsh tongue lashings that Jesus gave to the honkers of His day. I know the anger I felt toward the lady was justified--now I just need to work on expressing it in a more Holy way.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Lord of the Flies comes to Chicago

In the past few days, the brutal beating and death of another CPS student has been all over the airwaves. Missed it? here: http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2009/09/derrion-albert-vigil-and-march-postponed.html

This is only one of many killings that's happened this year, but this one is particularly hard to swallow, since in this case it took much more than one rash decision (a pulled trigger) to kill...this child was killed by his peers with hands, feet, and sticks.

I'm not even sure how to feel about this--it's a mix of many emotions. There's anger, deep sadness, and fear. I'll call these "reactionary feelings". But then there's others, less reactionary and more reflective, like helplessness, frustration, and sadly even a tinge of racism on my part, which leads to guilt but also rationalization.

How am I to process such a violent and unrelenting expression of hate? Or is hate the right word? Authorities are saying that the victim was caught between two gangs, and so both sides must have hated someone else more than him. And yet they kept hitting him as he lay there helpless. Hate must be part of it, but perhaps this was just as much an expression of hurting.

Perhaps Derrion Albert was the scapegoat for the killers' hurting souls. What kind of pain could have fueled a rage so undiscerning and merciless I'll probably never know, but I DO know that I've felt that rage on a lesser level, and it comes from a feeling deep down that something is terribly wrong--that I've been cheated (whether by another person or my own ill-advised judgment).

I believe that everyone is born feeling cheated--with a tendancy towards this "rage". You can blame the rage on society's (lack of) morality, or on entropy, or a lack of parenting and structure, and it may well be all of these things...but I think it all starts with when (we cheated ourselves/the serpent lied) in the Garden of Eden. Whether we're (blaming ourselves/blaming others) we feel we have been cheated--and we should; we traded paradise for this world.

My intention was to compare gang-dominated areas to the island in Lord of the Flies (if you think about it, the similarities are quite scary), but I'm afraid this topic has brought about one more reflective emotion: I'm emotionally fatigued--much like I imagine Peter was the night before the first Easter.

I think I'll go to bed trying to remember that Joy comes in the morning.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Dear Republican Party

I am writing to plead that you discontinue your lies and your uncooperative spirit on health care reform. While you may think that this is good short-term strategy politically (I would disagree), it is not worth the cost of your party's future, much less the health and financial well-being of our country and the people of which this nation is comprised.

Please remember that it is these people that have elected you into office, and have charged you with the task of creating solutions to the problems our country faces. I beg that you remember that politics was meant to be a means to an end, and not the end itself. Opposing health care reform solely in order to cripple the President's power is not true to the calling of your profession.

We the people are not stupid. Our current system is seriously threatened by rising costs, and all experts agree that this system will be getting much worse in the future. First and foremost, I'm asking you to acknowledge the obvious--reform is necessary, and even vital to the future well-being of our nation. And then, do what you were elected to do, and respond.

I'm not asking you to swallow the President's health care bill. In fact, I'm asking the opposite. Bring some of your ideas to the table. Bring your concerns to the table. But don't bring your bullshit to the table, your lies about death panels and Obama's plot to kill old people, about the bill's intention to insure illegal aliens. I'm not buying it. And Joe Wilson, piss off.

I believe that there are some of you that truly do care about this issue. Please, now is the time to step out of the shadows cast by ignorant entertainers like Rush Limbaugh. You will be greeted with admiration for the courage it takes to dissent with ones peers when you know they are in the wrong.

To me, true health care reform will accomplish the following: No one that wants affordable health care coverage can be denied it because they are sick or have "pre-existing" conditions. My brother has three "pre-existing conditions" with his heart, which stopped in July 2007 for nearly two minutes. Once he's married or out of college, he is no longer covered under my dad's plan...and now his condition is "pre-existing", and guess who can't get coverage? Are you listening to me, Republicans? If, or should I say when, his heart stops again, will he be bankrupted with medical bills? Will he be able to get operations he needs? Get this done, or lose me forever.

Secondly, reform should address rising costs. An aspirin in the ER doesn't cost $8, and I have a hard time believing that a life-flight helicopter ride costs $15000 when I can pay $100 for a helicopter tour around Vegas. These ridiculous charges are fraudulent, and must be stopped.

Finally, public option or not, reform must promote competition between insurance companies. There are probably many other things reform must address, but these are the issues paramount to me.

I hope that my faith in your sense of calling and general decency is not ill-placed. Please heed my request, and come to the table.

Regards,

Ryan

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Updates

It's been awhile since I've posted...here's some cool new developments.

The other day I found a (rather large) bookstore going out of business, and everything in there was a dollar! They still had an impressive selection...I walked out with 14 books. Yay!

I also ordered a two-year subscription to Newsweek. Good magazine.

My ankle has been healing! Three months of wearing a brace and 10 hours/day of electro-stimulation therapy have paid off. I'm continuing the electro-stimulation therapy, but have been told to experiment without the brace. So I'm no longer wearing it to the office or around the house. If that goes well, then I'll try some exercise (biking, rollerblading, brisk walking). I'm hoping to play some softball this fall. Slow but steady...

Zoey is healthy again (she had a urinary tract infection which caused her to pee all over the house, an ear infection, stuff like that). She seemed to think she could pee all over since we didn't scold her when she was sick, but we crated her for a couple days and that seemed to set her straight. What a smart dog!

Kendra and I have switched churches to Suburban Life Community Church. The pastor there, Tim Hoekstra, officiated our wedding. We know him because he was the chaplain at Trinity when we were there. Some things we really like about our new church:
  • It's small, like maybe 40-50 people. This was new for us, but we really like the size. There's community, but also freedom to be undignified before the Savior.
  • It's challenging and at times uncomfortable. There's a major push for service and reconciliation.
  • They meet in a community center gym on folding chairs, with an old-school projector (like the ones used when I was in 4th grade) on the wall for music lyrics. This church does not spend a lot of money on itself.
  • Sermons are often more like group discussions.
  • "Greeting time" lasts 10-15 minutes, and allows for more than surface smiles and handshakes.
  • They meet 3 Sunday mornings each month for about 2 hours. Although it's about double the length of a traditional CRC service, it feels like half the time. A good portion of the service is meditation and worship. Maybe 20 minutes are devoted to the "sermon" (i.e. discussion), and of course plenty of time for fellowship. For me, it often takes some time to clear out my heart and mind and make room for the spirit. The extended time makes that possible, where in my former church, I felt like I just got lucky if I had a spiritual connection.
  • The 2nd Sunday of each month there is a combined evening service with a number of churches in the Chicagoland area. There is great racial, denominational, and financial diversity at these combined services. I've always railed against Sunday being the most segregated day of the week in America...not any more (for us, anyway). Plus there's a meal provided before the service which is always very yummy.
  • There are no performances. All worship is communal. (this is just my preference...I'm not saying that performances can't be worship.)
  • There is a small group of people we meet with regularly to discuss what we're studying, eat, and just enjoy the fellowship. I know that many churches have this, but I just wanted to mention it as something we appreciate.

We'll miss doing youth group with our old church. It's hard to say good-bye. And it's hard to not feel judged for leaving, even if you aren't. But as a good friend of mine told me not too long ago, there's only One that we're accountable to, and we waste way too much time worrying about what the others think.

Monday, April 13, 2009

bumper sticker

As I was driving today, I got behind this plumber's van (Joe the plumber?) and read his bumper sticker, which said "To Hell with our enemies. God Bless America!"

I could go into politics and the wars we're fighting and rail about this mindset that is mostly contained in (but does not fairly represent) the Republican party. However, I'd rather just address this mindset within Christendom.

I would consider this bumper sticker to be one end of an extreme. The book I'm currently reading offers the opposite extreme, stating that violence is never redemptive, and in fact only provokes a cycle of violence. It takes quite literally Jesus' teachings in the Sermon on the Mount.

I am repulsed by the bumper sticker and all those that offer up this hate in the name of my Savior. But the other extreme leaves me intrigued, afraid, inspired. What do you think?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Ghandi and Jesus

I'm a chapter in on a new book Ghandi and Jesus: The Saving Power of Nonviolence, and I'm enjoying it quite a bit. I must admit that I'm wary of a book title that pairs Jesus with a modern Hindu; however, I'm coming to realize that Ghandi knew the New Testament better than most Christians I know. And while Ghandi never totally committed to Christianity, Jesus was a huge influence on him--to the point where Ghandi actually "re-interpreted" some Hindu teachings.

Anyways, what I'm admittedly hoping to validate by reading this book is an idea that I've been struggling with for a long time--uncompromising pascifism. Or to put it another way--the idea that "redemptive violence" is in no way scriptural. Rather, it puts faith in our own worldly ways--rather than putting faith in Christ's ways and indeed, his own example.

More to come...

Friday, March 20, 2009

I love Matthew 9:9-17. I recommend reading it before reading the rest of this: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%209:9-17

The Pharisees had a system of laws--thousands of them--that were designed to exalt themselves over others. Those that did not obey all of the laws were "sinners", and the Pharisees were righteous.

But Jesus comes and flips their whole system on its head. First, he quotes the Old Testament with God's words: "I desire MERCY, not sacrifice." Secondly, Jesus broke many of these laws himself. I imagine the Pharisees would have loved to label Jesus a "sinner", except for the problem of all of his miracles and teaching with Authority stuff...

But God's desire for mercy was a problem for the Pharisees. See, if mercy trumps sacrifice, then the Pharisees' system is void, and their power is gone. Mercy sets the sinners on the same level as the Pharisees. And so this is why Jesus said "I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners": because he knew the Pharisees would reject mercy (Jesus) because it didn't perpetuate their system. Jesus did NOT say this because he didn't want to save the "righteous" or because he didn't think the Pharisees needed saving; he just knew that their system wouldn't be able to handle His mercy.

Further along in the passage, Jesus is asked why his disciples don't fast like the Pharisees do. His answer again implies that there is no room in the Pharisees' system for His mercy. Jesus says: "Neither do men pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved."

The old wineskins are a metaphor for the Pharisees. The new wine is a metaphor for Jesus and His mercy. The new wineskins are a metaphor for the "sinners". And not mentioned but implied is the old wine, which represents the Pharisees' self-exalting laws.

Am I an old wineskin, or a new one? Does my "Christian lifestyle" make me "more righteous" than others in my own eyes? Is there room for Jesus' mercy in my life, or am I too busy with offering "sacrifices"? (Did you sacrifice something for lent? Remember that what God really desires is that you reflect His mercy.)

To accept the mercy of Jesus is to completely abandon our innate systems of judgment, which by nature seek to exalt ourselves over others.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

It seems that it's been awhile since I've actually written a blog about my self and those in my life--most of the time I prefer writing about "issues". I suppose I could now delve into a psychological exploration about why that may be, but I'll pass on that for now.

It's been kind of a crazy week. Last Thursday I was preparing to go to Canada with my dad to attend a cousin's wedding, see family, and especially see my grandpa, who has stage 4 colon cancer. Then I got word that my brother's (Jordan) lung collapsed that day. He had his other lung collapse on him five years ago, and had to have surgery and stay in the hospital for three weeks. After a few days in the hospital, it became clear that Jordan would need surgery again, and is in fact under the knife as I'm typing. I would really like to be there, but I know that he's in good hands with his father, mother, and fiancee by his side. (yeah, he's engaged...you didn't know that?)Speaking of which, I need to start thinking of ideas for his bachelor party.

Well, my dad and I did go to Canada despite Jordan's hospitalization. It was so good to see all my family up there again, and great to get a lot of one-on-one time with dad. I'm so thankful to have a good relationship with my father--which exists mostly because he's a good father. I'd like to be that kind of father.

I love getting away from home, taking adventures, getting lost (almost on purpose) and then finding your way back, roughing it, being disorderly, or dangerous, or strange. I think many men feel this way. But then, I also love coming home to a wife that missed me, spoils me, calms me, comforts me, helps me dress, and otherwise belong in a concept called "society". And coming home to a very smart and cute little puppy that also missed me is nice too.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Roseland

This morning Kendra and I went to Roseland Christian Ministries with some people from our church. I had been there before, but it was with a group of students for a class, and wasn't really a choice. This time, we went because we wanted to.

It wasn't really much work. We just went down and made breakfast for the women and children who are staying at the shelter, and our group was large enough that not everyone was working all the time. This allowed for time to get to know some of the mothers and their kids. This was what I really wanted to do, anyways. It was a lot of fun, and the kids were so funny...

I would really like to get back there soon. Apparently my church goes once a year...seems almost like something we do to get our "fix" of service, so that we can go back to wealthy Orland Park and feel better about ourselves for being so generous. Perhaps that sounds harsh, and I'm certainly not casting blanket judgements over everyone in that group. But...

When we were driving there, one of the ladies with us was telling us about how she used to live in Roseland up until she was in 3rd grade. But then the demographics started changing, and the (largely) Christian Reformed Community took flight (to Orland Park, Tinley Park, Palos Heights, etc.) And it wasn't just people--the Back to God Hour and CRWRC used to be there--and they up and left too! What a failure by the CRC.

I'm thankful to say that many in the CRC have seen the error of the church in this regard, and have devoted much time, money, and energy to Roseland. However, far too many remain ignorant about its history. Here's a short but good article if you'd like to know more:

http://www.roselandchristianministries.org/history.cfm